Grayson's birth (somewhat graphic)

Okay so I keep putting this off but I figure I better hurry and get it all down in writing before I forget anything. So here is the story of how our beautiful baby boy came into the world.

As you know when I went into the doctor on Tuesday the 7th there had been no progress and I was very disappointed. Wednesday was a pretty rough day for me. I was pretty depressed and in a lot of pain, I was just fed up with being pregnant. In my mind, I had waited long enough and I wanted to have my baby NOW. When Jared got home from work I told him I really needed to get out of the house, because I had been sitting home all day feeling sorry for myself. We went out to dinner at the Olive Garden. And then when we got home all I wanted to do was go to bed. I helped Grant get his jammies on and he brushed his teeth and then we got in bed together and read and cuddled. That always makes me feel better. That night I actually fell right to sleep(HUGE surprise) at about 9:00 and I didnt wake up until about 2:00 am. 5 hours of sleep was great, considering I had only been getting 2 on average. When I woke up at 2:00 I could not go back to sleep so I layed there and cried. I just felt so defeated. Like I said I was fed up and so done being pregnant. So I cried and I prayed and I begged. I prayed that I could make progress and that I could have Grayson soon because I did not want to have a C-section. I prayed for comfort and strength. And I prayed for relief. And then I was okay. I felt at peace and I felt that comfort that I had just asked for. Still I wasnt able to go back to sleep, so I got up. My feet were cold so I grabbed some socks. I went in and used the bathroom and then I headed downstairs. I am not sure why. I am not even sure what I was going to do.  I walked into the kitchen and leaned my butt up against the counter and lifted my leg up so that I could put a sock on. That's when I felt like I had peed my pants. I ran into the bathroom and sat down. I knew I couldnt have peed my pants, I had just gone to the bathroom. So I knew it had to be my waters breaking. As I sat on the toilet it just kept coming in quick little spurts. I knew I couldnt just sit there all night so I pulled up my pants and ran to the upstairs toilet. As I passed the bedroom I pushed the door open and said "Jared come here I need you." He has never sprung out of bed so quickly. He came in and we discussed what our next step would be. I really wanted to labor at home but I wasnt feeling any contractions and I know it is important to get the baby out in a timely manner if your water is broken. So we called labor and delivery and they told us to come in. Jared went in and woke Grant and I called my mom to ask her if we could bring him up to her. I decided to hurry and jump in the shower while Jared gathered some things and then we took off to mom's. At this point it was about 4:30 in the morning. When we got to mom's she was on the couch and she had already made a cute little bed for Grant right next to her. We kissed him good bye and told him we would call him in the morning. Off we went to the hospital. When we got there we told the lady who checked us in that I wanted to go natural and we would like to request a nurse who would support me in that. And that is exactly what we got. After all the technical stuff of being admitted, she checked my cervix and I was only at 3cm and about 60% efaced, and still not having contractions. So she told us to go walk. We walked up and down that short hall at least 50 times and I started feeling the contractions, which was very encouraging. And then Grayson decided to move, he was right on my sciatic nerve again. It was horribly painful to even take a step so I decided to take a little break. The nurse checked me again and I was at 5 cm. and 80% efaced. YAY!!! I was so happy. And then as I was taking my "break" everything stopped. No more contractions. So the nurse suggested I do some different things, such as squatting, different sitting positions, and the birthing ball. That didnt do much either. Nothing I did was working. The nurse said that she had to call the doc and let him know what was going on but she would give me one hour to try to get things moving on my own. So I tried but I was not able to make any progress on my own, beyond 5cm. When she called the doc he said that we needed to start the pitocin. She started at 2 units and went up by 2s. Contractions started and I was feeling good about the progress I was making. At first I was handling the contractions really well. Jared was a huge help and by that time my mom had showed up too. It felt so good to have my mom and my husband by my side cheering me on. Then more and more people started showing up and with a full room of people it was really hard to concentrate on what I was supposed to be doing, breathing and relaxing through the contractions. Still Jared was right by my side helping me through it. But I started to hyperventilate and I couldnt take it any more. I told Jared to please ask everyone to leave. After everyone left the doc suggested that we cut the pitocin in half and see what happened. As soon as they did that things really started to pick up. The contractions were coming hard and fast and they just kept getting stronger. Again I did really good and then towards the end I kinda lost it. The pain was so intense and I kept saying "I cant do this. I want to go home." My mom and Jared, one on each side of me were so encouraging and just kept telling me I could do it and that I was strong. The nurse was also wonderful, she really calmed me down. There were a few times when I started to hyperventilate again and my face and hands went numb, but everytime there was someone there cheering me on. The doc came in and wanted to check me. So in between these very quick contractions he checked my progress. I was at 9 cm. and 100% efaced. It shocked me a little bit when he started preparing everything for the birth. He asked me if I was ready to start pushing and my response was "NO! Can I go home now?" I beleive at that point I went into some state of shock. It really never crossed my mind to ask for an epidural or anything like that, all I could think was that I was not going to have this baby. In my twisted little mind I thought that if I just closed my legs and politely excused myself and went home, then all the pain would stop and I could just be pregnant forever. The doctor informed me that wasnt the case. There was only one thing left to do and that was to get this baby out now. I WAS NOT READY! But, at that point I was no longer in control. The doc got down there and got ready and he told me that on the next contraction he wanted me to push. I told him NO, I wasnt going to do it. So he just sat back and told me that when I was ready I could push, but that there was no other way to get the baby out. So with the help of my husband and my mom I decided to give it a try. As I pushed, I screamed. I've never felt anything like it. To be honest the first push was very half hearted. I did not want to push, it hurt. It was so amazing to be surrounded by my husband and my mom, because I know that I would not have been able to do it without them. So for the next two or three pushes I decided to try to give it my all and then maybe he would come out quicker. I only pushed three or four times and as I pushed the doc stretched me, which was horrible. There was a mirror above me so I was able to watch the entire thing. I loved having the mirror there because I was able to watch the progress I was making with every push and when he finally came out I got to watch that too. It was amazing. He was absolutely beautiful. He didnt cry right away but I could see that he was breathing and I could hear him making little noises. The doc suctioned his mouth and nose and Jared cut his cord and then they put him up on my chest and I couldnt feel anything but joy, happiness, pride, and love. I did have to have a few stitches because I tore but I didnt feel those either. The adrenaline just takes over I guess. The baby nurse took him over to the warmer to do all the essentials and I watched my placenta be born, which was pretty interesting. The doc was concerned that part of the membrane was left behind inside of me, so he proceeded to stick his entire hand and half way up to his elbow inside me to remove a large bloody mess. It was interesting to watch and feel that as well. Jared went out to get Grant and he brought him in to meet his brother for the first time. That was a priceless moment that I will never forget. Grant was so overjoyed and you could just see it in his face! When he sat on the hospital bed and he held him for the first time, he looked up at me and said "he's mine, mom, all mine!" All I could do is smile and tear up! It was an amazing moment.

This was absolutely the hardest and most rewarding experience I have ever had. Obviously to have my baby in my arms after so many years of working to get him here was a wonderful blessing, but knowing that I did it all naturally and on my own was very rewarding too. (Although I couldnt have done it without Jared and my mom)