Happy 21st Moe!

Jared's sister Morgan turned 21 today and we all went out to Olive Garden. It was a lot of fun and dinner was actually really good. Look how big Bentley is getting! He is so darn cute and I just love him to peices! And so does my little boy! We all love you too Moe! Happy birthday!

Make a Smilebox photobook

Grant - Age 5

I know a lot of my blogging is about Grant, but what can I say I am just so in love with my little boy! And when I do blog it is mostly for my sake, I have a horrible memory and there are some things I want to remember. So here are some of the things my little boy likes that I want to remember and you may or may not find it interesting!

FOODS mac n cheese, pizza, broccoli, cucumber, watermelon, spaghetti

COLOR red

MOVIES he loves Disney movies, especially Incredibles, Toy Story and Little Mermaid, transformers, Bedtime Stories

TV SHOWS Ghost Hunters, Chuck, Sponge Bob, ICarly

SPORTS football, baseball, soccer

TEAMS redskins, utes, yankees, cubs, jazz

FRIENDS Mason, Natalie, Kysa, Logan, Fisher, Sage, Savanah, Oliver, Lauren, Lily, Keiri, Talon, Hayes

THINGS TO DO play football or baseball with daddy, have playdates with maama, play Pla-Doh with papa, watch movies and read with mommy, play cars, draw, color, scrapbook (he is very creative), be a rockstar, listen to music

Grant loves anyone in the line of public safety, policemen, EMTs, and especially fire fighters. He also loves albulances, police cars, and especially fire trucks!
Grant is very outgoing and friendly, very smart and quick witted. He has an amazing imagination and a wonderful sense of humor. He is also very sweet, loving, cuddly, and sensitive. He gets his feelings hurt easily, but he is very quick to forgive. He has a huge heart and cares deeply about people, even at his young age he is very loyal and devoted to those he loves. He is polite and almost always remembers his manners. And he will be the first to ask a friend if they need any help.
I am so proud of my amazing little boy.
I am going to try to do this about every 6 months or so. Things change so quickly!

My rockstar

My little man is such a rock star, and he thinks so too!

Jared and I have a favorite band, Caroline's Spine. When Grant was in my tummy we listened to Spine a lot. They came in town to do a couple shows and I was so upset that I couldnt go because they play at a bar, so I decided to ask my doctor what she thought about it. She told me that she thought it would be just fine if I went to the bar for the night (I, of course, do not drink) but the smoke is horrible in there. So we ended up going and I was so glad that we did. It was so much fun and that was the first night I ever felt my baby boy kicking me. I just know he was in there rocking out to Spine. He was very active all the way through the show. A couple months later they came back and played another show at the same bar and again we decided to go. I was pretty big by that time and it was funny some of the looks I got from people, being preggo and in a bar. I promise it wasnt a regular occurance. Well that night Jared and I and baby all rocked out again and it was a blast. That night I was belly up to the stage and Jared was standing behind me. Baby was being super active and I told Jared to put his hands around my tummy, and that was the first time he ever felt baby move. We were both so excited. The head singer of Caroline's Spine is Jimmy Newquist. When we first found out I was preggo and we didnt know if we were having a boy or a girl, we called IT baby Jimmy. I know it is silly, but that was better than calling the baby IT.

There are few things Jared and I enjoy together more than music. So when Grant was 2 weeks old Spine came to SLC again and we both really wanted to go but I did not want to leave my tiny baby. After a lot of talking and begging my mom and Jared talked me into leaving him with her. When we dropped him off to my mom. I made sure I took his favorite CD. No not lullabys, it was Spine. I told my mom if he got fussy to put it on. I have to admit, as much as I love Spine, I didnt have much fun that night. I sat at the back and worried about my baby. I called my mom 18 times to check on him, and of course he was fine. One of the times I called as soon as my mom picked up the phone I could hear him crying and I almost started crying myself, so I told my mom to put Spine on and turn it up loud (thats how he liked it) So she did and he settled right down and fell asleep. He was born a rockstar! And he still loves Spine!

Grant can sing along with almost any song he hears on the radio. The other day we were in the car and he was singing, "papa paparazi..." So funny. He loves Nickelback and he will sing, "Never take it out, cause you look better with somethin in your moooooouth." But my favorite is when he sings, "Like the fire in the trees, pollen in the breeze, summer with a freeze, you and me, yea..." He loves to strum a guitar, whether it be acoustic, electric, or an air guitar. And he has always loved to play the drums as well.

He will always be a rockstar in mommy and daddy's eyes!

Chuck E Cheese

We went to Chuck E Cheese today with my cousins and all of their kids. It was a lot of fun. Alesia picked up Grandma on her way out, and it was great to see her and get to chat with her. It was so cute cause when we got there Grant ran up and gave her a great big hug, which put a great big smile on my face. And how freaking cute is "baby Cam"? I just want to eat him up. Grant still calls him baby Cam even though he is not so much a baby any more.

I've got balls

Ever since Grant was just little and he learned what a school bus was he has always wanted to ride one to school. We live on a corner and the middle school and the elementary school bus stop is right in front of our house so ever since we moved into our house two and a half years ago Grant could look out the window and see the bus. So at the begining of the school year he was so excited that he was going to a school that had a school bus and he asked me if he was going to be able to ride it. It was heart breaking for me to tell him no, because of my own insecurities. If you know me very well you know that I can be a little (or a lot) anal about some things. And Grant just happens to be one of those things. He is my one and only baby and I worry about him.
I was worried about him riding on the bus. First off, do you realize that those things dont even have seat belts. Also I dont know the driver and I dont think that he has my sons best interest at heart like I do. Grant is only 5 and very impressionable. He would be riding the bus with big bad mean 6th graders. I just know they will corrupt my very sweet little boy. Not to mention when he actually gets to school (that is IF he gets there in one piece) he has to get from the curb to his classroom all by himself. What if there is a kidnapper waiting for him as he gets off the bus and I never see him again? I wouldnt know he was gone until hours later when he doesnt come home from school. These are the horrible things that have gone through my very dilussional mind.
Grant's school is a 15-20 minute drive from our house. So I drive about 40 minutes twice a day, it always takes longer in the afternoon when I go to pick him up because I wait in the "line" until his teacher brings him right to my car and makes sure he is with HIS mommy and not some stranger! Isnt that nice of her? I am the only one she does this for.  That means I spend an hour and a half on transporting him to and from school, not to mention the gas.
I talked to some other mothers and I talked to his teacher and everyone has assured me that he will make it to and from school just fine if he rides the bus. So I grew some balls and we are going to try it.Grant was so thrilled when I told him. I have gone over all the bus rules, stay seated at all times, no yelling, keep your hands and feet to yourself, stay seated at all times (cause those things dont have seat belts you know) Monday morning I am going to walk out to the curb with him and when the bus comes I am going to introduce myself to the stranger who will now be in charge of getting my baby to school safely. I will hug him and kiss him and tell him how much I love him. And then I will probably cry as they drive away. And I know that for the next three hours or so I will worry, I might even call the school to make sure he arrived there safely. Im kidding I wouldnt want them to know how crazy I really am. We'll see how it goes.
 Has anyone else had this big of a problem letting go of their kids?

Pumpkin painting

Saturday night at Maama and Papa's! BTW Mom I want the recipe for that mexican lasagne you made. It was awesome. I wish I was feeling better so that I could have eaten more of it! We always have a lot of fun as a family. Here we are painting pumpkins, one of Grant's favorite things at Halloween time. He honestly painted 4 pumpkins before any of us even painted 1. We had dinner and my dad even made sugar free banana bread for dessert. You should try it before you judge it. I thought it was great! Good job dad! I painted Frankenstein and I could not figure out how to do a nose so he didnt get one. LOL

My memories of Halloweens past

When I was young I remember Halloween (and all holidays) were a big deal in our house. Around the begining of October we would get all the fun Halloween decorations out and fill the house with spooky fun! Of course it was always fun as a child to pick out a Halloween costume. And then I would anticipate Halloween night for the coming weeks. About a week before Halloween we would always carve pumpkins and make anight of it. That was so much fun! And when Halloween finally arrived it was so exciting.  When I got home from school I would start bugging my parents asking when it was time to get ready and go trick-or-treating. I wasnt allowed to go until it got dark outside, so the anticipation would build. When it was finally time, mom would help me get ready and apply any makeup I might need that year. Of course we always had to take lots of pictures and usually dad would get the video camera out as well. And then dad would take me out. I remember being so excited and wanting to run ahead of dad to the next house. We lived in a great neighborhood and I had lots of good friends, which only made it that much more fun. After gathering as much candy as possible, and when I thought dad's legs might fall off, we would head back home. Mom would be there waiting with open arms, quizing me on if I had gotten any Tootsie Rolls or Big Hunks! LOL Of course every year there was always a fresh hot homemade pot of mom's chili on the stove, all the toppings for the chili, fresh rolls, and doughnuts for dessert. (like I didnt have enough sugar) Sometimes family would come over and sometimes after we had our fun at home we would go to them but, it didnt really where we were, we were together. That was the very best part.
My memories of Halloween and all holidays past are centered around my family. My mom and dad were so amazing when it came to creating traditions for us. Traditions that centered around Love, Happiness, Togetherness, and being a Family! I absolutely love that my mom and dad took the time every year and every holliday to continue these traditions through my childhood and as I grew up and now even in my my adulthood. It thrills me to share these traditions with my little guy. I love now going over to mom and dad's on Halloween night and knowing that when we walk in the door Grant will smell the chili on the stove(just like I did when I was young) and he will be forced to eat some of that chili before he is allowed to enjoy a doughnut for dessert(just like I was) After he goes trick or treating he comes home to Maama and papa's and dumps out his candy and Maama will ask him if he got any tootsie rolls. And everytime he hears a knock at the door he loves to be the first one to the treat bucket so that he can pass out the candy to the trick or treaters, just like I did. I plan on keeping these traditions alive for a long time and I hope that when Grant has kids I will also be able to share these wonderful traditions with my grandkids.
Thank you so much mom and dad for always letting me know how important these traditions were to you and how important our family was and is. I love you both so much!

I am going to be honest...

It's not all rainbows and sunshine all the time. For the most part I have always used this blog to highlight the wonderful joys that we share as a family. I love posting here about how amizingly blessed my life is. I have the most amazing husband who works so incredibly hard and puts up with alot of shit at work to take good care of Grant and I. He is such a wonderful daddy and treats me like a (very spoiled) princess. I was also blessed with the most incredible little boy who has a very infectous laugh and always keeps me laughing with his crazy imagination. He is so cuddly and loving and tells me everyday how much he loves me. I grew up with the greatest parents ever, I think I had a close to perfect childhood, with the exception that for almost 8 years I was an only child. Then my little brother was born and I was thrilled, I hated being an only child. I have pretty awesome in-laws as well and I know that they would do anything for us!
Jared and Grant and I love being a family and we love spending time together. I have said it before and I will say it again, like my blog title says "We are a very happy little family."
But... there is something missing in our lives. There is a puzzle peice missing and there is a hole in my heart. Lately the hole seems to be growing at an incredible rate and I am not really sure what to do about it. We know that our family is not complete but the odds are against us. We have been trying for 5 years to have another baby. It is devastating to me and I am so emotional lately about everything. The longing for another child is begining to consume me and I feel like I am almost loosing control of it. I am constantly thinking about it, talking about it, and researching options. I know as much as my hubby wants a baby too, he is getting sick of hearing my constant obsessions and I am pretty sure my mom and others around me are getting tired of hearing about it as well. Like I said I am at a loss for what to do next.
Please help me. If you have any advice or anything please do share.